Welcome to Audrey Adopts

Many people wonder how I got to the place to adopt a child from South Africa. Some still wonder why I am even heading down this path anyone. A good friend in South Africa asked over dinner one night a very valid question, “why don’t you just go and get knocked up!” Her question may seem jarring to some but it is a question that many of my peers in their late 30’s and early 40’s have seriously asked about. One male friend even complained that he took his mom’s advice early on to use condoms. Edging on 40 years old he would much rather have a child with someone by now rather than still waiting around for “Mrs. Right.”

Another friend also seriously wondered about getting off birth control and see what happened even though she was not in a committed relationship. Another male friend who was about to turn 50 has told me that many of his friends are trying the same thing. Possibly many of us have been in a long search for the perfect spouse or the practical arrangement or the ideal family and in the search have still ended up as really great aunts and uncles and pet parents.

In my case it would be very difficult to get “knocked up.” My faith and leadership in my church and life invite me to a deeper relationship with someone in order to have children. I too would want to be pregnant “with” someone, which also contributes to my decision to adopt and not try IVF with a donor egg. I have known women to do the pregnant thing alone, both married, unmarried and pregnant by sperm donor. I think I would want to be the pregnant woman who has someone to bake cookies for her every night and hold my hair back as I throw up. That has been my vision of pregnancy. It’s hard enough to be single and sick and being sick and sick and having to make my own cookies sounds like torture.

The baby home I visited was ran by two women who are married. They decided adoption was the route they wanted to go. I learned a lot from them about adopting in South Africa. I learned that the youngest age you can adopt in South Africa is really about 1 years old as the birth family and domestic adoptions take priority. After six months a child could potentially be up for adoption in South Africa and then there is about another 6 months of paper work.

When I was at the home I got to hold a three month old who fell asleep in my arms. I would have taken her then and there….I followed her story and found out that a family member received her about 2 months after I saw her. I continue to follow the baby home on facebook and often go to their page and look at the photos and pray for the kiddos and wonder if one of them will be mine .

When I came back to the US I did a bit of research here. I looked into domestic adoption which was in some cases more expensive than in South Africa. I also found that there is a baby shortage and not many new borns being put up for adoption. Adoption here in the US is also very emotionally exhausting and the matching process can leave a family feeling rejected and tired. I knew I could not do that process alone either.

I also looked into fostering to adopt. I had a pivotal conversation with one parent who told me their story of having one child and then after a year having to return the child to the parent. I had conversations with a few other people who went through a similar process but with a different outcome. All the people I spoke to were couples. I decided I also did not want to take that journey alone.

One day when driving back from church with my dad he asked, “how’s the adoption going?” I told him, “fine.” I didn’t want to give too much information at the time as he also suggested getting knocked up at one point! He continued to probe for information. I told him I was trying to figure out how to do and where to do it. He asked me, “Well, Audrey, what did God tell you to do?”

I responded, “God told me to adopt from South Africa.”

My dad and God have always had a funny way of working together to gang up on me!

The next day I called the international adoption agency I had been talking too and submitted my application to adopt a child from South Africa.